Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize