Kiss
Puke
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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