I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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