I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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