girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
