It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
