It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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