dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Randomize
