Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
