perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
