What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
