I'd wear matching sweaters with you
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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