Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Randomize
