Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
