I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
well you can't waste a boner
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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