I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize