And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
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