Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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