Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
