And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Randomize