I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
