I was born with a shot glass in my hand
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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