BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Randomize
