When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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