i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
