I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
