my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Randomize
