I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
he shaved USA in his pubs
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
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