How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize