your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
