Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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