Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Randomize
