I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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