I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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