Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
