Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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