Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
