can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize