dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
