if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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