you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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