Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
