i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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