Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
