I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
