Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
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