the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
sex in a hospital.. check
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
