I wish I could teleport
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
