He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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