Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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