I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
