I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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