maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
