so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
