I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
