i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
