Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
