Girls should come with a carfax report
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
