you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
