PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
