wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
