first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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