I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
