They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Randomize
