My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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