She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
