He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
